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Post by Fallindown on Sept 2, 2006 19:24:54 GMT -5
[glow=red,2,300]DO YOU HAVE THE POWER! DO YOU HAVE THE POWER! DO YOU HAVE THE POWER! DO YOU HAVE THE POWER! DO YOU HAVE THE POWER! DO YOU HAVE THE POWER!DO YOU HAVE THE POWER! DO YOU HAVE THE POWER! DO YOU HAVE THE POWER!DO YOU HAVE THE PenisOWER! DO YOU HAVE THE POWER! DO YOU HAVE THE POWER!DO YOU HAVE THE POWER! DO YOU HAVE THE POWER! DO YOU HAVE THE POWER![/glow] WELCOME, BITCHES, TO CAPTAIN ASSHOLES BRAWLATORIUM. Location: Sacramento, California. Mission Statement( Translated from Klingon): We can make people better fighters by bathing in the blood of virgins. Coaches::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: [glow=red,2,300]LEONARD HAUSER:[/glow]( Coach of Sodomy, Ass-Pummlery, Bitch Slappalry, Master of the Poo-Poo Punch.) Sean Tovin ( Coach of Pro-Wrestling and Ass-Kickedness.) EMMANUEL YARBOROUGH!!!!!!! (Coach of BOTH SUMU AND JUDU! Also coach of kicking yo ass) Chuck Norris ( Coach of advanced Masturbation and Round-House-Kick-To-The-Headedness) MR.T ( Coach of Fool Pitying and Child Kidnapping.) REX ( Rex Kwan Do Coach) FallinDown ( Coach of Overkill) GYM PLUS POINTEES Weight: plus 200lbs. Height: Minus 2 feet. Punching: - 5 kicking: - 5 Conditioning: -1 Effieciency: -1 Strength: -5 Agressivenes: plus 167 Clinching: - 3 Takedowns: - 6 Sprawl: -9 Submissions: -10 Positioing: -2 Ground Strikes: -3 Instinct: -9 Intelliegence: - 100 Toughness: -9 Heart: plus 1 Dirt Techniques: plus 50
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Post by Tystick357 on Sept 2, 2006 19:31:08 GMT -5
This team is like the monster truck ralleys in the 80's, it's coming like a freight train! War Assholes!
No surprise Hauser spends his time around assholes all day.
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Post by The Shreeve on Sept 2, 2006 20:47:01 GMT -5
Thus far 2 people have applied for Captain Asshole's Brawlatorium. Donn Goti & Mark Javelin.
Goti & Javelin were released from their contracts from California Pro Wrestling because they didn't want murderers in their gym (they both list their styles as Murder & pro wrestling) They both had a choice to make between the chaos crew & Captain Asshole's Brawlatorium...Which they of course chose! Because they both hate Mitch Armour.
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Post by Fallindown on Sept 3, 2006 9:04:39 GMT -5
Hey, we here at CAB are planning to let in a new coach, Coda Scott. Here are his qualifications: The fact that the printer paper nor the board are cut right really convinces me.
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Post by The Shreeve on Sept 3, 2006 13:38:36 GMT -5
Wheres Andy Dick? I thought he was supposed to be a coach?
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Post by Fallindown on Sept 3, 2006 14:27:45 GMT -5
Andy comes for motivational support. He comes and goes as he pleases.
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Post by Mitch Armour on Sept 3, 2006 18:08:30 GMT -5
Mitch Armour: Theres no way id let crazy men like those two infest and infect a great SERIOUS group of fighters like the Chaos Crew...We are Champions...you guys are losers and this town KNOWS this is Chaos Crew terrirtory and that you two camps are just trying to feed off the PROFILE we've grown around Sacramento for the MMA scene...Because your too weak to start in another town from scratch and build the right way like Me and the Chaos Crew did.
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Post by The Shreeve on Sept 3, 2006 19:47:19 GMT -5
Donn Goti:Whya don't you shutta yo mouth! Hey mitchy don't make me wack ya right now! I got my .45 ACP right now im not afraid to blowa your brains out! Hell I don't need my .45 I'll make you or any of your boyz tap out with my leg locks! My style is murder and im ready to kill someone! The chaos crew will burn thanks to da brawlatorium & the italien flame donn goti!
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Post by Fallindown on Sept 3, 2006 20:25:22 GMT -5
[glow=red,2,300]Leonard Hauser:[/glow] Armwhore, if we wanted to build our credibility off of some town's MMA profile, we'd go to Huntington Beach or something. However, maybe we will move to another place. I was thinking South-Central L.A, or D.C, or Butte or something..........
To be honest with you, the only reason we set up our camp in Sacramento is to mess with the C.C and steal waterbottles and shit.
Picture Leonard Hauser in a sleeve-less chippendale-style tuxedo and a silver thong. He's in the brush by the Chaos Crew Camp; Hauser has brought along some of his training partners, and they mob to see his stunt. There are shouts of " Oh man, he's really gonna do it!", from Andy Dick and the others. Suddenly, Hauser takes off and runs in to a C.C training session, wityh guys like Campell and Tyler and the other big guys training. Hauser proceeds to " Party Boy" them all, thrusting his hips into them. He shouts: " Oh yeash. Let's do this!". The C.C members stare at him. Hauser pauses, then springs up and knocks over a table. He takes off into the brush where his friends are giggling.
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Post by The Shreeve on Sept 3, 2006 23:04:56 GMT -5
Mark Javelin:Andy Dick is THE most lucky man to ever grace the brawlatorium. He got to have a three some with Jessica Simpson in one of her music videos. Even if hes a fag hes still lucky. Come on who wouldnt wanna hit Jessica? Even gays would do it. And Andy Dick is a great motivator & corner man.
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Post by The Shreeve on Sept 4, 2006 13:15:35 GMT -5
Mark Javelin:Sensei Hauser I think Mitch Armour is scared of us. And he better be scared because heres a more complete list of all the things we teach at the brawlatorium.
Ankh-Morpork Streetfighting Baritsu Cards as Weapons Coup de vitesse Dagor Delkaiba Dimac Enton Hoda Korosu, Or Naked/Kill Jew-do Kostapa Kung digitsju Omnite Shajadpa Boxing Shun Leep Sinanju Sumito Traffkicking Trigade Tri-Jitsu Twisting Weirding Way Okidoki Shiitake Upsidazi Tung-pi Sna-fu toro-fu chang-fu The Way Of Ms.Cosmopilite Deja Fu Path of the Scorpion Path of the happy jade lotus sloshi Tsimo wrestling Close Quarters Combat DWN-Infinity Hakkyoku-Seiken Insult swordfighting Kailindo Kibatsumejutsu Kyokugenryu Karate Mecha Su-Dai Mishima-Style Karate Wardancing YumFu Astral dancing Bladesong Motion Camouflage Sheshan Talarash Dasyannah Way of the Arcanamach Zerthi Charcoal March of Spiders style Prismatic Arrangement of Creation style Violet Bier of Sorrows style Shaidan Koto Mantok Iron Heel Jox Kai Von (Jox Boxing) Graa Barada Zho Veda Engaijutsu Kronin Karate Aerie Fighting Dragon-Man Kung Fu Smasha Sylvan War Lore Cyberninjutsu Force-Swordsmanship Spacer Kung Fu Reticulate Goutetsu-ryû Ansatsuken (Goutetsu-Style Assassin's Fist) Saikyô-Ryû - "The Strongest Style, Kanzuki-ryû Kakutôjutsu Mizugami-ryû Rindoukan Karate Champloo Mix Kendo Kaio-ken Continued on next post We also do Turkish Oil Wrestling with IMMAF baby oil.
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Post by The Shreeve on Sept 12, 2006 18:28:28 GMT -5
Abelando Korda is a proud sponser and supporter of the brawlatorium. What better sponser is there than a Cuban communist?
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Post by The Shreeve on Sept 12, 2006 20:08:45 GMT -5
Abelando Korda:My niños my familia of the brawlatorium I am your new coach. I will be the new coach of motivational support since that fag Andy Dick never seems to show up. Now all Of you are going to be in tip top shape for all of your fights I will work you all like caballos. Hey stop laughing this is serious business Hauser! Now I have to ask you all... Do you have the power? Do you have the penis power? YES OF COURSE YOU DO! Now get to work you rameras! Because you are all part of the Brawlatorium familia! Jonas D-I thought rameras meant prostitutes? *he stares at Korda in confusement*
Korda:Uhhh get to work you bitches!
Korda:First we have masturbation technique.
Korda:MASTURBATE HARDER JONAS!!! MASTURBATE TIL DAT WHITE STUFF COMES OUT!!!
Loki:I DID IT KORDA!
Korda:Good job Loki I always knew you were the work caballo of the brawlatorium! Unlike Jonas!
Korda:And time! Now hit the showers!
Korda: Next up is sparring.
Korda:Ok its time for me to pick your sparring partners. Jonas! Since you did the worse guess who you get to spar with? LOKI DAVIS!
Jonas:*groans*
Korda:TOVIN you spar with Manny!
Tovin:BUt I always spar with Manny!
Korda:Don't give me that Tovin!
Korda:Rex & Mr.T you are sparring partners.
Korda: Fallindown & Hauser come with me we are going to have a threesome...I mean triple threat sparring match!
*sparring begins*
Manny submits Tovin with a smother.
Korda:BEAUTIFUL! BRAVO BRAVO! ENCORE ENCORE!
*Jonas takes Loki's back*
Korda:You got back mount Jonas now do something with it! Go for the Poo poo punch or the rear naked sodomy!
Jonas:*sigh* *hits a couple poo poo punches and submits Loki with rear naked sodomy*
Korda:SOMEONE GET A TOWEL AND A BUCKET LOKI JUST SHAT HIS TRUNKS!
Korda:And time thats a wrap folks see you all back again soon!
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Post by The Shreeve on Sept 13, 2006 15:11:55 GMT -5
Abelando Korda:All right my niños I'd like to make an annoucement! I'm taking you all on vacation to my hometown of Havana Cuba isn't that just wonderful! I know you all want to go with all the fine women & men (if you go that way I on the other hand well...I'll tell Hauser later on our date.) You'll ever want! We also have the best cigars & beaches around.
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Post by Mitch Armour on Sept 13, 2006 16:52:12 GMT -5
Mitch Armour: You forgot "Sodomy" and "Ball Licking" from your list.
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