Post by Fallindown on Aug 7, 2009 21:25:14 GMT -5
RAHWAY, NEW JERSEY- IMMAF President, Kerwyn Newell, was found alive today after being missing for nearly three months. The illustrious MMA tycoon was discovered naked and delirious, wandering around a New Jersy subway. Police reports say he had suffered a concussion and possible probing.
Public outrage erupted when rumors began to surface that Newell is not in police custody; rather, he had been intercepted and is being detained by mogul Robert Hamilton. Hamilton, of course, is well known for his campaign to expose retired MMA fighter Leonard Hauser as a criminal. Whatever use Newell would be to him is uncertain.
Either way, former vice-president Costanzo Granitelli is still the acting leader of the powerhouse MMA franchise. When asked to comment, Granitelli grabbed his genitals and extended his middle-finger at us.