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Post by Fallindown on Jun 16, 2009 21:39:06 GMT -5
Amidst a massive congregation of rowdy PitFighters, Robert Hamilton approaches a podium to speak. Meeting him on the stage is Kevin Byrd and Maria Cruz, whom he kisses on the hand.
[glow=red,2,300]Robert Hamilton:[/glow] My noble PitFighters, your leader has abandoned you! I know this comes as a shock to many of you. After all, it is truly deplorable how Greg Frazier just went and left you all without saying a word. But I implore the PitFighting Community not to get up in arms about this! This is not the end of PitFighting, it is a new beginning!
Under my leadership, the UGPF will rise to greater heights than it ever has before! I promise you, one day there will be a PitFight going on in every home in America! One day... We will be the envy of the entire planet!
Now, of course, with my new regime there will be some changes...
Every PitFighter glares at him as if he's a bug trapped under a microscope.
[glow=red,2,300]Robert Hamilton:[/glow] ... Firstly, every PitFighter will be paid entirely in hookers.
All the PitFighters simultaneously drop their skepticism and start cheering.
[glow=red,2,300]Robert Hamilton:[/glow] Secondly, in the interest of Aldous Hauser followers, I'll see to it that every hotel a PitFighter stays at is stocked with an ample supply of LSD.
[glow=gold,2,300]PitFighters: [/glow] YEAH!!!
[glow=red,2,300]Robert Hamilton:[/glow] Thirdly, in regards to safety measures I will enact some new-
[glow=gold,2,300]PitFighters: [/glow] BOO!!!!!!
Someone throws a brick and hits Hamilton in the face.
[glow=red,2,300]Robert Hamilton:[/glow] Um.... Um.... I mean I will enact some regulations to make sure there will be LESS safety measures!
[glow=gold,2,300]PitFighters: [/glow] YEAH!!!!
Robert Hamilton glows as the PitFighters chant his name.
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Post by random on Jun 16, 2009 23:41:33 GMT -5
Colby Irving looked on in disgust as the PitFighters chant Hamilton.
His head was spinning and not because of the plastic bag he wore whenever he was in the presence of the other fighters but because of what was said. The PitFighters used to have a code, sure it was a code that never existed or was followed by any other fighter but Colby followed it. The PitFighters should be respected, treated as equals, and paid... in cash.
This Hamilton looked to change all that and Colby for one knew he couldn't be apart of this association any longer.
As the chants continued and Hamilton looked closer and closer to ecstasy Colby quietly exited the building and looked on into the distant horizon now blurred to perfection.
Before the sweet kiss of a blackout could touch his lips he vowed to find Frazier, to find out what truly happened. Then everything went black.
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Post by Fallindown on Jun 17, 2009 17:38:34 GMT -5
Kevin Byrd and Maria Cruz are enjoying tea and crumpets on a little table out near a pier. In the background, Robert Hamilton is barking orders at construction workers as bulldozers plow through the beach. Kevin Byrd: I'm stuck in a shit sandwich, Maria. We've lost three of our best fighters in Colby Irvin, Garrick Coleman, and Gorga Gonzalo. Even worse, most of the lost PitFighters that reunited with us during the war are old hat now. [glow=hotpink,2,300]Maria Cruz:[/glow] How good are the fighters we have left? Kevin Byrd: A lot of them are young, but untested. I'm not sure how many of them are champion quality. [glow=hotpink,2,300]Maria Cruz:[/glow] Can't you use some of the prisoners you took from Hauser as slaves to fight? Kevin Byrd: Some who were already PitFighters are allowed to fight, but Hamilton's keeping most of them in a secret detention center deep underground. ..... That's it, I've gotta do some active recruiting. Hamilton's "PitFighting Island" idea is nice, but I've gotta go out in the streets and find me some men so we'll actually have some fighters when the first show comes around. [glow=hotpink,2,300]Maria Cruz:[/glow] How will you decide which fighters to bring along for the big show? Kevin Byrd: Easy! By having them fight! ............................... Sign up for UGPF's first regional qualifyer show today: moleculeman.proboards.com/index.cgi?board=s&action=display&thread=13&page=1I also updated the roster.
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Post by random on Jun 17, 2009 17:43:10 GMT -5
Technically they haven't lost Irving, as he passed out in front of the building because of his disguise.
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Post by Fallindown on Jun 17, 2009 17:51:28 GMT -5
And then God-knows-what happened to him.
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Post by random on Jun 17, 2009 17:54:52 GMT -5
Which is what I'm looking forward to finding out.
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Post by Fallindown on Jun 17, 2009 18:01:36 GMT -5
Either way, we've got an infinite amount of spots open for the first qualifyer:
1. Rameau Ouedraogo
2. Tank Kaman
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Post by The Shreeve on Jun 18, 2009 18:18:47 GMT -5
 "The Pseudonym" C.G. Grantwell: Hello Robert Hamilton my name is C.G. Grantwell an associate of Aldous Hauser and I was wondering...Why must you deprive us from information? Does the truth of what happened to Greg Frazier have to be concealed? And finally why should WE trust you? |
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Post by The Shreeve on Jun 18, 2009 18:29:50 GMT -5
C.G. Grantwell: In fact lets play some adlib with a book called Animal Farm shall we?
After driving Snowball Greg Frazier off the farm business/pitfighting community, Napoleon Robert Hamilton usurps full power, using false propaganda from Squealer Maria Cruz and Kevin Byrd and threats and intimidation from the dogs Captain Asshole's Brawlatorium members to keep the other animals pitfighters in line. Among other things, he gradually changes the Commandments salaries for his benefit.
C.G. Grantwell: Mark my words I'm gonna find Greg Frazier!
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Post by The Shreeve on Jun 18, 2009 18:32:35 GMT -5
OOC: C.G. Grantwell= George Orwell + Cary Grant
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Post by Blindsided on Jun 18, 2009 22:42:55 GMT -5
Garrick Coleman stands in disbelief that the godfather of PitFighting has disappeared and is he is forced to listen to Hamilton ramble on about random shit.
Garrick mutters "Can't believe this bullshit" under his breath.
Garrick walks out after Hamilton's speech to find Colby Irving passed out cold on the sidewalk. Garrick knowing that Colby is one of the few men that do it for the passion and not the hookers, blow, and fame snags Colby's leg and drags him back to his lair.
Colby awakens in a daze. The only thing he can see are the impaled heads of Richard Pryor, George Carlin, and the taxidermied body of Joe Pesci.
Colby is slapped across the face with a large trout.
Garrick Coleman: "Wake up, bitch."
Colby shakes his face clean of the trout residue
Garrick Coleman: "I know you're one of the true PitFighters. But are you willing to join me in find Frazier. He's the only one that knows what's going on and how to fix this bullshit. If you don't, I might make you look like Mr. Pryor over there, or I might let you go. But your chances are slim. So are you in or dea...out?
Garrick awaits Colby's response with a large kitchen knife behind his back
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Post by random on Jun 19, 2009 0:10:35 GMT -5
Colby looks around the "lair" with obvious apprehension and eyes Garrick for a full thirty minutes before responding.
Colby Irving: It's not that I don't appreciate being dragged against my will into someones home, so please excuse me when I ask what the hell is going on... and why do I smell trout?
Seeing he won't get an answer out of Coleman, Irving continues.
Colby Irving: Well, uhm... about your offer? As much as I've always wanted my head on a stick, you know with the potential for someone to dance around with it and shake it at their enemies. I guess I'll have to accept your proposal.
A scream in the distance causes Garrick to momentarily turn in its direction allowing Colby to see what he's hiding behind his back.
Colby makes a mental note to not fully trust Coleman, unless he's heavily sedated or tied up.
Colby Irving: Then I guess this makes us partners. In a strictly hetero sort of way; don't want you getting any crazy ideas now.
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Post by Blindsided on Jun 19, 2009 7:41:59 GMT -5
Garrick pulls the knife from behind his back and starts towards Colby. Seeing the look in Colby's eyes he cuts the ropes around his feet and hands
Garrick Coleman: I'm not like Gonzalo or what have you not. I don't swing that way. Sorry about the knife though, I don't know who I can trust.
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Post by Fallindown on Jun 19, 2009 11:51:24 GMT -5
Sporting bottlecap sunglasses and a long, black trenchcoat, Kevin Byrd makes his way passed the bleeding gas station attendant to greet the four fighters in the parking lot.
Kevin Byrd: Let's get this shit moving along....
Byrd pulls a clip board out of his coat.
Kevin Byrd: Hmmmm... Rameau Ouedraogo. It says here that you came to America last year in hopes of being a PitFighter, but the organization was in hiatus by the time you came over. So you've been living in an airport for the past eleven months, unable to go anywhere due to the red tape.
You'll be fighting... Tank Kaman. Kaman, apparently you served us in the war with Leonard Hauser and have wanted to join us for some time now. Well, here's your chance.
Ok, you two guys get in the bathroom. Whoever comes out, comes out.
Both fighters enter the shit-covered, one-toilet bathroom and Byrd closes the door behind them.
..............................
Tank Kaman vs. Rameau Ouedraogo
Ouedraogo immediately starts probing with his left hand, getting ready to set up the big shot. He hurls a wide right hook at Kaman, who ducks under and ties Ouedraogo up. The whole room rattles when Kaman throws Ouedraogo against the wall and starts lacing him with knees while in the Thai clinch.
Ouedraogo is dazed and getting rocked with some big shots. Unable to escape the wall, he grabs underneath Kaman's leg when he throws a knee and lifts him up over his head. Ouedraogo slams Kaman's head straight through the spit-caked sink, which shatters.
While Kaman is writhing around on the ground in front of the pipes that are now shooting water into his face, Ouedraogo returns the favor he had been given earlier and smashes Kaman with some knees. He then starts letting his hands go as Kaman attempts to get to his feet. Under a heavy shower of blood and water, Kaman eats a hard one to the temple and slips. Falling face first, Kaman hits his head on the edge of the toilet and bleeds into it as his conscious slips away.
For good measure, Ouedraogo hits him in the back of the head with twenty ax-handle blows before opening the door and exiting.
Kevin Byrd: Ok, good work. You next two guys take him out of there before you start fighting, you hear?
Ok, so we've got Mike Tyler (Who's only qualification is that he appears first on the IMMAF biography list) and Joe Tucker (Who just showed up today).
Get in there and get it on.
The two fighters enter the bathroom and throw Kaman out before closing the door.
..........................
Mike Tyler vs. Joe Tucker
The bathroom floor is covered in several centimeters of water. Tucker attempts to fire off a flurry of punches, but slips just as Tyler rockets a Thai kick straight to his nuts. Tucker hunches over in pain and gets hit with an uppercut before Tyler drops down on him and applies an anaconda choke.
Tyler inadvertently rolls under the pipe and ends up waterboarding himself. He lets go, and both fighters scramble to get to their feet. Tucker shoves Tyler back to the door and goes for a big overhand right, which Tyler ducks. Tucker's fist goes straight through the door and leaves him stuck while Tyle blitzes him with combination after combination. Tyler than slams Tucker's face against the door, which frees his arms and causes him to slip straight back to the mirror. Tucker smashes the back of his head against the mirror and drops unconscious into the pile of glass.
Tyler attempts to walk out of the room, but Byrd prevents him.
Kevin Byrd: Hold on. We're gonna do the last match now. Just drag him out.
Mike Tyler throws Tucker out as Rameau Ouedraogo walks in.
...................................
Rameau Ouedraogo vs. Mike Tyler
There's more than three inches of water filling the room, now. Rameau Ouedraogo tries to move forward but ends up slipping too much to throw a punch. He composes himself just enough to grab Tyler's legs for a takedown, and both fighters end up grappling under the pipes.
Ouedraogo gains mount and puts the grapevines in. Tyler is volleying back and forth to keep his head above the water and tire Ouedraogo out. Ouedraogo attempts rectify this by wedging Tyler's head behind the toilet, but this keeps his his face from being a viable target.
Ouedraogo holds onto the toilet head and starts pounding away at Tyler's midesection. Tyler attempts to fire back, but he can't see and can't escape. Several minutes pass as the water level rises and fills Tyler's lungs; he eventually gives up out of exhaustion.
Ouedraogo stands up and leaves Tyler coughing in the bathroom.
Kevin Byrd: Good work, bitch. You get to fight on the PitFighting Island, now. We might as well also drag Tyler along, seeing as he's in good condition, but Kaman and Tucker are just gonna have to make the best of it in the gutter.
Ouedraogo and Byrd leave Kaman and Tucker unconscious in the parking lot.
Kevin Byrd: Now, Ouedraogo, there's one more thing I have to do before we can move along.....
Byrd whips a red and blue pill out of his pocket.
Kevin Byrd: You must choose. This red pill here will lead you into a world of imagination and wonder.... The world of PitFighting. The blue pill is Viagra.
Ouedraogo takes both.
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Post by The Shreeve on Jun 19, 2009 13:11:22 GMT -5
OOC: lol thanks for the idea of having Lawrence Fishburne as Kevin Byrd's new poser since Tank Kaman is Kimbo Slice now.
Rameau Ouedraogo: I shall represent the people of South Africa and my tribe well on the Pitfighting Island. I want the Pitfighting teetle!
Rameau Ouedraogo: My secret to fighting is pretending my opponent is King Leopold II to build up rage...or just imagine apartheid is still going on either way works.
Rameau Ouedraogo: Oh and Byrd do you have any condoms? I want to celebrate my victories here tonight.
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